Divorce is neither easy nor do people generally come out “ahead", as what once existed for one family unit is now being divided in two. After over 15 years helping Illinois residents get divorced, I have made some observations. Most people going through a divorce have been wronged or victimized in some form or another, but for your divorce to be a success, much of it comes down to your mindset.
First, lets look at what I mean by a “successful divorce”. Everyone’s definition will vary. Some look at it in terms of dollars and cents, others in terms of gaining physical custody of the kids, and others in terms of having the divorce over as fast as possible. All perfectly valid divorce concerns. But what I am talking about is having a divorce outcome that will put you in the best possible place for you to begin life anew without him or her. What that place looks like is different for everybody but what I have found is that the people who get there the fastest understand that divorce is a beginning. Yes, it is still an end and often sad, but nonetheless it is also a beginning. There is life without that other person and you will still be you, standing on your own two feet following the divorce. Those who decide what they want that new life to look like and focus on that are the ones who I see do the best in divorce. They don’t get bogged down by things that may no longer matter and they know when and how to pick their battles during the divorce. The person who is willing to move forward and stand strong even when they feel like crying will usually be happier with the legal outcome and, while I have no evidence, it would not surprise me if they are able to get along better with their ex- post divorce, if that is what they want. It certainly matters to the kids, if there are any. This is all easier said then done. I understand that its not realistic to just put on a happy face and sail through divorce. Divorce is tough. Its gut wrenching and expensive, and filled with uncertainty. It takes work to be brave and set yourself up for success, but do what you must to try to stay positive.
Many people also find that they have better control of the outcome through divorce mediation, which often leads to less money spent on lawyers and a faster outcome. If you are curious about divorce mediation and if this can set your divorce up for a greater chance of success and personal happiness, give me a call at 630 250-8813 and I'd be happy to discuss it with you. Or, download our Fast Track Mediation Guide to learn more.
Either way, try to stay positive and know that there is light at the end.